The Science-Backed Benefits of a 20-Second Hug
We’ve all heard the saying, “Sometimes a hug is all you need to feel better.” This isn’t just feel-good advice—it’s backed by science.
According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, not all hugs are created equal. His research shows that a 20-second hug can create real benefits for your physical and emotional health.
Why 20 Seconds Matters
When a hug lasts at least 20 seconds, it’s long enough to stimulate the release of oxytocin, often called the “cuddle hormone.” Oxytocin is released in response to soothing touch and promotes feelings of connection, trust, and emotional safety. It’s why hugs can feel so comforting during moments of stress or disconnection.
Oxytocin is also one of the key biological processes behind healthy relationships, which is why Gottman includes this practice in his relationship-strengthening strategies. He also highlights how physical connection helps build emotional intimacy and resilience in relationships. Physical connection is especially important during times of stress when partners may unintentionally pull away from each other.
A Natural Stress Reliever
What makes oxytocin even more impressive is its ability to lower cortisol, the body’s primary stress hormone. Cortisol is essential in small doses, but chronic stress and elevated cortisol levels can contribute to anxiety, burnout, inflammation, and long-term health problems.
A 20-second hug can help lower cortisol levels, supporting both your mental and physical well-being.
It’s one of the easiest, most accessible tools for managing daily stress—whether you are reconnecting after a long day, navigating a disagreement, or simply needing to pause and ground yourself.
What If You Don’t Have Someone to Hug?
You might be wondering, what if no one is nearby to hug? The good news is that you don’t need another person to access these calming benefits.
Therapist tip: you can still activate oxytocin through self-soothing practices.
Self-compassion researcher Dr. Kristin Neff has shown that placing your hand on your heart or wrapping your arms around yourself can stimulate oxytocin and the calming branch of the nervous system. These soothing gestures are especially helpful when you’re feeling anxious, lonely, or overwhelmed. You don't have to wait for someone else to offer comfort—you can offer it to yourself anytime, anywhere. Whether connecting with a loved one or offering kindness to yourself, your body responds with the same stress-relieving benefits.
Small Practice, Big Impact
I often remind clients that small moments of connection add up. Whether building connections in your relationships or learning how to better care for yourself, little actions like a 20-second hug can make a meaningful difference over time.
Ready to Build More Connections?
Are you looking to deepen your connection in your relationship or reduce stress in your life? Resilience Focused Therapy in Walnut Creek offers individual and couples counseling in-person and online throughout California.
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