How to Survive Difficult Relationships This Holiday Season
Key Takeaways
- You have more control than you think. Even when family dynamics feel stressful, small choices—like setting boundaries or taking short breaks—can shift the tone of your interactions.
- You can create calm, even when others can’t. Focusing on your values, your breath, and your limits allows you to bring steadiness into any interaction—no matter how stressful it feels.
- Small, intentional choices lead to lasting change. Every time you pause, breathe, or choose not to react, you’re strengthening your ability to handle difficult relationships with more ease and awareness.
Surviving Difficult Relationships During the Holidays
For many of us, this time of year brings both joy and stress. Holiday gatherings can reconnect us with loved ones, but they can also stir up tension, old patterns, and hurt feelings. With the right tools and mindset, it’s possible to handle these moments with more confidence and ease.
If you find yourself bracing for those tricky interactions, you’re not alone.
In this guide, you’ll find therapist-backed strategies for surviving difficult relationships during the holidays, helping you stay grounded and connected to what truly matters.
Recognize That Relationship Challenges Are Normal
It’s common to face relationship difficulties. According to relationship expert Dr. John Gottman, 69% of relationship conflicts come from “perpetual problems”—fundamental differences in personality or needs that don’t have easy solutions.
Understanding that holiday relationship stress often stems from normal differences can free you from unnecessary guilt or frustration. When a conflict arises, ask yourself: Is this a perpetual problem? If so, consider “unhooking” from the issue—taking a breath and mentally stepping back—to allow yourself peace of mind instead of engaging in a useless battle. This small mental shift can help you preserve your energy for what matters most this season.
By reframing conflicts as normal, you can shift your focus toward maintaining harmony rather than trying to resolve every disagreement.
Set Internal Boundaries to Protect Your Well-being
Internal boundaries are self-imposed limits that protect your energy and emotional well-being during challenging interactions. While external boundaries involve what you communicate to others, internal boundaries are the limits you quietly set for yourself. Unlike external boundaries, internal boundaries don’t require others to change their behavior—they empower you to manage your own limits and preserve your calm. You can’t always change others, but you can decide how much access they have to your energy.
Examples of internal boundaries include:
Limiting the duration and frequency of visits– choose what feels sustainable for your energy.
Steering clear of controversial topics– protect your peace by sidestepping predictable triggers.
Deciding how much energy you’re willing to invest in the interaction– remember, not every comment deserves a response.
Internal boundaries allow you to take control of how you experience these challenging moments, helping you remain composed and centered.
Take a Break When Needed
Everyone needs a break from difficult people, and the holiday season is no exception. Stepping away—even briefly—can help you reset and regain your calm.
Try these simple resets:
Step outside for a walk: Nature’s calming effects are backed by science and reduce stress hormones, helping you feel more centered and relaxed.
Breathe deeply: Slow, mindful breathing activates your body’s relaxation response and helps you feel calmer within minutes.
Seek connection: A quick check-in or hug with someone safe releases oxytocin (a stress-reducing hormone) and reminds you that you’re not alone.
For especially challenging situations, combine all three for maximum stress relief.
Focus on Your Core Values
Research shows that clarifying your values prior to engaging in a difficult situation can help reduce stress. Before that family gathering, take a quiet moment to ask yourself: What really matters to me today? Maybe it’s being kind to yourself, enjoying time with your kids, or practicing patience. Let that value anchor you.
For example, if you find your sibling’s comments frustrating, but value the bond your children share with their cousins, keeping this value in mind can help you stay calm.
By prioritizing what’s meaningful (your children’s relationship with their cousins), your brain will stay calmer, helping you remain more relaxed and resilient.
Leading with your values allows you to respond intentionally rather than react emotionally.
Surviving difficult relationships during the holidays doesn’t have to drain your energy or joy. With small, intentional shifts—like setting internal boundaries, taking breaks, and focusing on what truly matters—you can approach even challenging moments with confidence and ease.
If you’d like professional support navigating stressful family dynamics or strengthening relationships, I’d be glad to help. I offer in-person therapy in Walnut Creek and online sessions throughout California. You can learn more or schedule a free consultation below:
Therapist Bio
Cari Browning, RN, LCSW, is a licensed therapist and founder of Resilience Focused Therapy in Walnut Creek, CA. Dually trained as both a nurse and psychotherapist, she brings a whole-person, mind-body perspective to her work—supporting both mental and physical health. Cari specializes in helping adults, couples, and teens navigate anxiety, stress, trauma, and relationship challenges with evidence-based approaches, including EMDR, DBT, and the Gottman Method. She is passionate about blending science-backed strategies with compassionate care to help clients feel more confident, resilient, and connected.
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