How to Strengthen Your Relationship: 5 Simple Habits
Key Takeaways
- Strong relationships grow through small, everyday acts of care.
- Feeling heard matters more than solving the problem.
- Even brief moments of touch, like a quick hug or kiss, can be surprisingly powerful.
With Valentine’s Day coming up, you might be wondering how to strengthen a relationship — or simply how to feel a little closer to your partner. Research from Drs. John and Julie Gottman shows that lasting connection isn’t built on grand gestures, but on small, daily habits that help partners feel seen, safe, and supported.
In my work with couples, I’ve seen how these small, consistent habits can transform a relationship.
How to Strengthen a Relationship in Everyday Life
These simple habits can make a meaningful difference. Here are five practices I often recommend:
Small Things, Often
Healthy relationships aren’t built on special occasions — they’re shaped by small, everyday acts of care. Sending a thoughtful check-in text, making coffee before they wake up, taking one thing off their overfull plate, or leaving a small surprise after a long day can make a difference. These gestures may seem simple, but consistency is what matters. Over time, they send a powerful message: I’m thinking about you. You matter to me.
The 20-Second Hug (Or A 6-Second Kiss): A Quick Way To Feel Closer
Physical touch is one of the fastest ways to help partners relax and feel close again. Research from the Gottmans found that holding a hug for at least 20 seconds — or sharing a 6-second kiss — releases oxytocin, a hormone that helps you feel calmer, safer, and more connected. It’s a small shift, but many couples are surprised by how much more connected they feel afterward.
You can read more about the benefits of the 20-second hug and how to try it.
Have A Daily Stress-Reducing Conversation
It’s easy for conversations to revolve around schedules, chores, and to-do lists. But couples feel closer when they also make space to talk about the stress of daily life — work frustrations, family worries, or the small things that piled up during the day.
Gottman calls this a “stress-reducing conversation,” a few minutes of simply listening and offering support. The important thing is to listen without trying to fix anything. Feeling heard and understood builds connection faster than advice ever could. The goal isn’t to solve the problem — it’s to tackle it together rather than alone.
Create Small Rituals Of Connection
Relationships often grow from the small, predictable moments you can count on — a morning cup of coffee together, an evening walk around the block, a quick check-in before bed, or a weekly date night. These simple routines build connection and a steady sense of closeness and security over time.
Gottman calls these “rituals of connection” — small habits that signal you’re important to each other. When life gets busy or stressful, these familiar touchpoints help you reconnect without missing a beat.
Assume The Best Of Each Other
(Gottman calls this “Positive Sentiment Override”)
Every relationship has misunderstandings, off days, and moments when things feel heavy. Strong relationships tend to share something important: during challenges, partners give each other the benefit of the doubt.
Gottman calls this “Positive Sentiment Override,” an emotional filter that helps you interpret your partner’s behavior more generously (“they didn’t mean to hurt my feelings”) instead of assuming the worst (“they’re insensitive”). Small missteps feel less personal, and it becomes easier to repair and move forward.
Over time, this mindset acts like a buffer against everyday stress and conflict. When you already feel safe and valued, you’re quicker to forgive, stay open to each other, and work things out together — which helps your relationship stay steady even during hard times.
Small moments of care, repeated over time, can transform a relationship. You don’t have to do everything — just start with one small step.
If you’d like support strengthening your relationship, I offer couples therapy in Walnut Creek and online across California. You’re welcome to schedule a free consultation.
More on Couples & Relationships
Therapist Bio
Cari Browning, RN, LCSW is a licensed therapist and founder of Resilience Focused Therapy in Walnut Creek, CA. Combining her expertise as both a nurse and psychotherapist, she brings a whole-person, mind-body perspective to her work, supporting both mental and physical health. Cari specializes in helping adults, couples, and teens navigate anxiety, stress, health concerns, chronic pain, and relationship challenges using science-backed approaches, including EMDR, DBT, ACT, Pain Reprocessing Therapy (PRT), and the Gottman Method. She is passionate about blending practical tools with compassionate care to help clients feel more confident, resilient, and connected.
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